choose wife

 Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.




The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.


Again, the man is impressed.




The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the £5,000. She gives him back his £5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.




Obviously, the man was impressed.




The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.



Then he married the one with the biggest tits.


Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research... This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

life balance sheet

Awesome reminder on the need to have a Balanced Life - balancing your balance sheet .....
   

Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account

Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents

Knowledge is our Investment
Experience is our Premium Account
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some very Good and Very bad things ..
The most destructive habit....... ........ ......Worry
The greatest Joy......... ......... ......... ....Giving
The greatest loss..................Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work......... ........Helping others
The ugliest personality trait....... .......Selfishness
The most endangered species..... ....Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource.... ......... ......Our youth

The greatest 'shot in the arm'........ .Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.... ......... ...Fear
The most effective sleeping pill....... Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease...... .......Excuses

The most powerful force in life........ ........... Love
The most dangerous act.............................. .A gossip
The world's most incredible computer.... ....The brain
The worst thing to be without..... ......... ..... Hope

The deadliest weapon...... ........ .........The tongue
The two most power-filled words....... .... 'I Can'
The greatest asset....... .......... ......... ...........Faith
The most worthless emotion.... .......... ....Self- pity

The most beautiful attire...... ......... .........SMILE!
The most prized possession.. ........ .....Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication. ..Prayer
The most contagious spirit...... ......... ......Enthusiasm

Life ends; when you stop Dreaming,
Hope ends; when you stop Believing,
Love ends; when you stop Caring,
And Friendship ends; when you stop Sharing...!!!

forward email: mind peace

Peace of Mind Tips and Advice

By Remez Sasson
Most people would be glad to have some peace of mind in their life. They would be happy to forget their troubles, problems and worries, and enjoy a few moments of inner calmness and freedom from obsessing thoughts.
What is peace of mind? It is a state of inner calmness and tranquility, together with a sense of freedom, when thoughts and worries cease, and there is no stress, strain or fear. Such moments are not so rare. They may be experienced while being engaged in some kind of an absorbing or interesting activity, such as while watching an entertaining movie or TV program, while being with someone you love, while reading a book or while lying on the sand at the beach.
When you are on vacation, do you experience some sort of mental numbness? At this time, the mind becomes calmer, with fewer thoughts and fewer worries. Even while you are deeply asleep, not aware of your thoughts, you are in a state of inner peace.
Such activities, and similar ones, take away the mind from its usual thoughts and worries, and bring about temporary inner peace.
The question is, how to bring more peace of mind into our life, and more importantly, how to experience it in times of trouble. You might also ask whether it is possible to make it a habit, and enjoy it always and under all circumstances. First, you need to learn to bring more moments of inner peace into your daily life. Later, you will be able to experience these moments in times of trouble or difficulties too, when you really need inner calmness and tranquility.
You can turn peace of mind into a natural habit, but to do so, special training is required, through concentration exercises, meditation and other means. Browse this website, and you will find articles, advice and techniques for attaining peace of mind, as well as a special book dedicated to this subject.
Here are a few simple things that can help you:

• Reduce the amount of time you read the newspapers or watch the news on TV.
  
• Stay away from negative conversations and from negative people.
  
• Don't hold grudges. Learn to forget and forgive. Nurturing ill feelings and grievances hurts you and causes lack of sleep.
  
• Don't be jealous of others. Being jealous means that you have low self-esteem and consider yourself inferior to others. Jealousy and low self esteem, often lead to lack of inner peace.
  
• Accept what cannot be changed. This saves a lot of time, energy and worries.
  
• Every day we face numerous inconveniences, irritations and situations that are beyond our control. If we can change them, that's fine, but this is not always possible. We must learn to put up with such things and accept them cheerfully.
  
• Learn to be more patient and tolerant with people and events.
  
• Don't take everything too personally. Some emotional and mental detachment is desirable. Try to view your life and other people with a little detachment and less involvement. Detachment is not indifference, lack of interest or coldness. It is the ability to think and judge impartially and logically. Don't worry if again and again you fail to manifest detachment. Just keep trying.
  
• Let bygones be gone. Forget the past and concentrate on the present moment. There is no need to evoke unpleasant memories and immerse yourself in them.
  
• Practice some concentration exercises. This will help you to reject unpleasant thoughts and worries that steal away your peace of mind.
  
• Learn to practice meditation. Even a few minutes a day will make a change in your life.

Inner peace ultimately leads to external peace. By creating peace in our inner world, we bring it into the external world, affecting other people too.

fax

An American, Japanese, and a Sardar (indian Sikh) were sitting in the
sauna naked. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed
his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him
questioningly. "That's my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the
skin of my arm.
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his
ear. When he finished he explained, "That's my mobile phone. I have a
microchip
in my hand.
The Sardar felt low-tech and inferior. He didn't know what to do to be
as impressive as the American & the Japanese. He decided to take a break
in the toilet. When he returned, he didn't realize that there was a
piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his backside. The
others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" Instead of
being embarrassed, inspiration struck his mind. The Sardar explained,
"I'm getting a FAX. The other two fainted.

confession booth

Confession booth
After having far too many drinks in the bar, a man staggered into a
church and went into a confession booth.  After a few minutes of
listening to the drunkard’s moaning, a priest stepped into the
adjacent booth and spoke to the drunkard through the screen.

“ Son, may I help you ? ” asked the priest.
“ God, I hope so,” the drunkard replied, “ Do you have any tissue
paper in this toilet ?

funny email : porch

Handyman’s  job
A woman wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a
handyman and started convassing in a wealthy neighborhood.  She went
to the house of a wealthy man and asked the owner if he had any jobs
for her to do.  “ Well, you can paint my porch.  How much will you
charge ?” 
The woman said, “ How about fifty dollars ?”  The wealthy
man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder that she might need
were in the garage.  A short time later, the woman came to the door to
collect her money.

“ You’re finished already ? ” he asked.
“ Yes,” she answered, “ and since I had some paint left over, I gave
it two coats.”  Impressed, the man reached into his wallet for the
fifty dollars.

“ And by the way,” she added, “ that’s not a Porch, it’s a Mercedes !”